Life's Scary, Man

by Old Sol

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what I thought was love turned out to be heartburn and my acid reflux stopped her from making out with me at a drive thru movie and on the way back down the highway i felt my emotions dying one by one first came fear and then came love so i'll never put myself out there again and i'll keep all of my lovers just as friends so let me be honest let me forgive her let me forget about my dad let me direct it to something useful let me pretend i have a plan let me just pick a path and stick to it like it's all that i have let me forget how to regret and be my own man so i put myself out there again 'cause i'm a fucking liar but only to myself i'd like to think and all my lovers went and left me 'cause they claimed that i'm a liar just because i told them i loved them well, man, you got me there but i swear to god i'd never hurt nobody the only body i could hurt is the one i own
tiptoe around, you said tiptoe around my worst days figure me out, you said figure me out in the worst way and i told you how yeah, i told you how i'd change but it's too late now you've already left the frame walk me through hell it'd be nice to rebel in my own space take me to church I need to confirm that i have faith and i notice well yeah, i notice everything so i knew it well when you said what you said to me take me by the hand and show me what compassion is i've been in my head just trying to extract my sin and i don't wanna be alone ever again just please don't leave my side just please don't leave my side again
Stockholm 03:10
so here i am, again a bouquet of plastic roses in my hand a blue collar war veteran and i'm seeing flashes of light firing at me from piercing pale blue eyes like bullets from colt-45s and last summer you staged a drive-by from the backseat of my car and you took my dog for ransom, made him love you and if love is just a stockholm syndrome, i'm a captive now so make sure to lock the door on your way out swallow the key make sure there's no way for me to leave starve me of affection feed me once or twice a week why would i sleep? there's no need for dreaming you are right outside my door hell, there ain't much left to ask for and i'm bleeding in your basement as the walls are closing in what's it matter if i breathe when you're my only oxygen and you paint with such a fine-tipped brush i jerk my head, i heard the toilet flush the door opens a crack there is light in my life but i've grown used to the black and as you walk down those steps paved in cold concrete bathed in light, bathed in light i book it towards the door as urgent as a holy war you fake right, i go left we start to fight, it's self-defense i feel alive again 'cause all my name was spent inside that room no room to breathe i would've stabbed myself with my keys but at least it had a happy ending what the fuck does that mean, anyway? at least it had a happy ending
i laughed more than i cried today for the first time in a week and i finally mustered up the strength to sleep without a sheet until you wake me in the morning with a plan for our whole day and i'm okay i ran more than i walked today for the first time in a month guess it's time for me to stand up, swallow all my pills at once and when you look me in the eye, i'll say, hey dad, i'm not the person i once was my life was just a motocross event where all the bikes and drivers end up dead then you showed up, a night gown knit from seatbelts caught my heart inside your palm and i can't wait till we're both gone last night i raced the interstate, and the interstate, it won 'cause my thoughts might have some speed but this old minivan's got none and as i floor it through the floodlights, my anxiety's undone i see the sun so i'll roll one in a parking lot and try to write some song i'll dream about the day when all my nights aren't so damn long and these swisher sweets hold secrets than i haven't told my mom they'll come along i'll spend my whole life trying to get clean i'll roll all of my blunts in gasoline and i'll spark that fucker up until i burn my whole life down and i hope that one day i'll see you around
i left my head stuck, between your regrets and i can't get out- snap out of it i tell myself that i'll cut it out i'll cut the cord it's tough to wait it out a second more i'm running out of things to tell myself or anybody else forget it i'm better off without you no, it's not true, i'm dumb without you i don't know what to do i guess i'll: sit in my room think about you drink until two turn shades of blue wake up at three with no one to see my mornings are not what they used to be you wanted more than i could ever offer i wasn't good enough i wasn't tall enough to see past it if i'd known for sure this never would've happened such an oversight out of sight, out of mind out of time leave me stranded in the moment with my hands taped to my mouth lock the chains across my torso to a car that's going southbound i don't wanna go now leave me by the road walk to somewhere cold break down honey, won't you shake me down i wanted more but that never mattered torn and tattered, windows shattered it's a fact i can't ignore i shut my door for the first time since i met you it upset you
Seabound 03:45
we can live like my grandfather did leave our bones in the ocean, far from the cement or at least we can fight for a bit let our silence make waves as we stand with the dead i'll crack every mirror i'll see and i'll pray that the bad luck will finally take me this black cat bit back into me he'll have eight lives by sunrise, i swear that he'll bleed 'cause i'll die when i die but i won't die a pussy.


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released November 20, 2017

Written and performed by Old Sol
Lyrics by Ilan Haskel
Recorded and engineered by Geoff Siuciak
Mixed and mastered By John Terry
Produced by John Terry and Geoff Siuciak


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Old Sol Chicago, Illinois



Ilan Haskel - guitar, vocals
Tom Berard - violin, guitar
Evan Hock - bass
Geoff Siuciak - drums, percussion

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